Loving Violette

Just like everyone else, We started 2020 with great hopes of travel and work and a lot of other things. We got to travel to Bali for my cousin’s wedding against all odds when news of the Covid-19 outbreak came out. We got to celebrate and it felt like the worldwide pandemic wasn’t real until we got back to Manila and the first positive Covid-19 patient was announced all over the internet. The news of the lockdown didn’t feel real until we were a month in without any meetings, grocery runs, frisbee games and nights out. Suddenly the world stopped.

Just before the lockdown in Manila, we found out that we were expecting, but wasn’t sure if it was a false positive. We coped in our little ways. Picked up a paintbrush, tried to learn to play an instrument, did daily workouts. It became a new normal but with the feeling of “when is this all going to be over?”

There was peace even in the midst of the lack of work and income (being in the events industry, everything was postponed or cancelled.) God showed Himself faithful indeed in my daily quiet time, in our daily needs, in His messages every sunday. He knew what He was doing and we had everything we needed right where we were. Pregnancy was relatively easy, except for having gestational diabetes, everything looked okay. And because I refused to be on insulin, we decided to go on a vegan diet throughout the pregnancy, also to help S with his weight loss. We had fun experimenting with recipes and being home all day, all night. Everything was relaxed and we were excited to see our little one.

November 11 came and the typhoon Ulysses ransacked Manila and neighboring provinces. We thought for sure our roof was going to be blown away. Somehow in my heart there was the fear of having to deliver in the midst of the typhoon, by God’s grace, my water bag ruptured only the day after. There was no flood or traffic on our way to the hospital. The labor took 22hrs and our little Taro was born at 13:35. Little did we know that our challenges were yet to begin.

Taro was brought to the NICU for the grunting in her lungs and bacteria in her gut. She had to stay there 13 days. It broke our hearts to see her like this.

We went home 4 days later, leaving baby Taro in the NICU. Only to find myself going back, this time in the ICU due to water retention and really bad vital statistics. All along I thought that it was normal for your legs to be bloated and sleeplessness recurring every night. When I was brought to the ER, my potassium was at 7 (according to the doctor, a day later my heart could have stopped.) I was anemic with hemoglobin level at 7, sodium down, creatinine and bacteria levels at a whack.

Back tracking to hours before I was brought to the ER, I spent some quiet time with the Lord and this was what He imprinted in my heart:

On our way to the ER, I was in so much pain I could hardly move. When they told me the results of my CBC I whispered to God in my heart: “If you would take me God, I’m ready, yet I wish to still be there for my husband and to see Taro grow up.” There was still peace knowing His promise of victory was sure.

2 days later, I was moved to a normal room, just in time for our little Taro to be discharged from the NICU.

It was the first time that we were going to breastfeed her, the first time we were going to sleep with her and the first time she was going to be finally home.

We were discharged a week later, after x-rays, anti-biotics, swollen hands and IV attached to my arm, 2 blood transfusions, 2 MRIs, a CT scan, countless blood tests among other things, a foley catheter attached all the way home and hospital bills that by rose each day we were there.

Somehow, with all these happening, my heart was still and I was sure, God is my salvation! Even in my quiet time He declared it.

A few weeks after we got home, with a foley catheter still attached, it was frustrating but my heart was glad because we had enough. A roof over our heads, enough milk for baby and strength to take care of her. Until I started to develop UTI and a temperature of 39.8. It was another trip to the hospital for us. My husband started to break down and my heart somehow felt sad, having to leave our newborn at home. I prayed that God would let it all be over and whatever it was that we needed to learn, may He reveal it to us.

3 days later, the fever subsided and we could finally go home. Being in the hospital did recharge me spiritually too, having more time to spend with the Lord (while being away from a clingy baby) in one Sunday morning service, God said:

He sees ahead, He knows better than we do, He knows what we need. And while our faith may not be enough, as long as we obey, He will strengthen us and grow us. Because Faith is progressive and it doesn’t happen overnight, but obedience should never be delayed. I was reminded to love Him more than I’d love anything else…

“But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” Matthew 6:33

We got to celebrate Christmas and New Year at home with our families, without anymore complications. Today, I have been weaned from the catheter completely as well as from the prescribed take home medicine. With a lot more energy to care for a little one and a grateful heart that we not only survived 2020, but have been victorious with new lessons He gave. We are conquerors by the Grace of our Almighty God.

And we come back to this scripture that we received when the lock down still felt unreal to all of us: “Shall we receive good from God, and shall we not receive evil?” In all this Job did not sin with his lips.” Job 2:10

Victory is sure in the Lord, just hold fast and stay rooted in Him. And remember to always love Him first. Hallelujah.